A is for....

AUSTRALIA

Famous for Neighbours, Home and Away and Skippy The Bush Kangaroo, Australia also have a pretty handy cricket team. When I say handy, what I really mean is that they are pretty awesome having dominated World Cricket for most of the Nineties and Naughties. The one (main) blip on the radar being losing the Ashes (see below) in 2005. However they totally tonked (technical term this) England in 2006 to win them back. Some of the greatest players ever have worn the 'Baggy Green' cap (so called as the cap is, um, baggy and, er, green), including Steve 'Tugga' Waugh, Allan 'AB' Border, Shane 'Warney' Warne (imaginative nicknames aren't they?). As well as being one of the best teams in the world Australia are also famous for being 'expert' sledgers (see the unwritten 'S is for...' post for further explanation). Useful phrases when confronted with an Australian cricket fan are: 'Who will replace Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath?', 'Why doesn't Nathan Bracken get a haircut?' and 'Aren't your team getting on a bit?'

THE ASHES

A biannual test series (again see unwritten 'T is for....' for full explanation) played between England and Australia. Also known as 'torture' if you are an England fan, as watching said series can lead to getting your hopes up, only to watch them being destroyed slowly and painfully over an 8 week period. The Urn (shown left) is at the centre of an ugly custody battle between the MCC and Australian type people who would like to take it away from the spiritual home of cricket, Lords, to some museum in the outback. Winning The Ashes (particularly if you were English in 2005) can lead to a lot of bandwagon jumping (see Richard Branson or Tony Blair) and naff commercial opportunities for player and spouse (Mr and Mrs Flintoff). Do say: 'If we can compete than we have a chance (especially if you are English). Don't say: Australia should keep the Ashes Urn (see above) in Australia.