FIND YOURSELF A TEAM TO SUPPORT.....(PART 2)

As promised, here is Part 2 of Short Legs and Silly Points guide to the new county season.

GLAMORGAN

(would like to be known as Wales)

Yachi da, boyos! The land of Max Bygraves, Tom Jones, Shirley Bassey and Catherine Zeeetaaa Jones does actually play cricket, and horror of horrors some of their number have actually played cricket for England (well they are part of the England and Wales Cricket Board) as well as that mighty cricketing nation Bermuda. Having enjoyed some success in the late nineties (they won the county championship in 1997) and some one day success in the early naughties, the recent redevelopment of their ground in Cardiff has left the team a bit strapped for cash, and short of success. In fact they appear to be so broke that the clubs fans have had to break into their piggy-banks to pay for an overseas player (that’s overseas Australia, not overseas England).
One Day and Twenty20 Nickname: Glamorgan Dragons. Finally a name that actually makes sense!
Cricket Rating: 3/10 (but that’s only because Simon Jones will be available for the first part of the season): Second Division in both the Championship and Pro40, even with the return of Simon Jones from injury, I can’t see them achieving promotion in either league.
Totty Rating: 9/10 for Simon Jones (see below). The rest of the team earn a 3/10.

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GLOUCESTERSHIRE

The only famous things I can think of from Gloucestershire are cheese, the Cheltenham Festival, a rugby team and a pig. So I’ll stick to cricket in this bit. Former kings of the knock out competitions, Gloucestershire have struggled in recent times to repeat their success.
One Day and Twenty20 Nickname: Gloucestershire Gladiators. I’m waiting for Russell Crowe to make an appearance.
Cricket Rating: 3/10. I don’t think they will be promoted in the championship and may struggle in the one day stuff due to the loss of some experienced players.
Totty Rating: 2/10. Only decent looker I can find is Kadeer Ali (excuse the windswept look). However Hamish Marshall does have groovy hair!

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HAMPSHIRE

Famous for lots of coastally, farmy type things, a few posh boarding schools and a couple of rubbish football teams, it's a good thing it's cricket team are pretty good! Home to serial 'Text Pest' Shane Warne and England's (and currently the worlds) best one day batsman Kevin Pietersen, they could be in with a shout in all competitions.

One Day and Twenty20 Nickname: Hampshire Hawks. Don't ask, I don't know.

Cricket Rating: 7/10. As mentioned above TP Warne, may be a letch, but he's a fine bowler with an outstanding cricket brain (shame about the rest). Kevin Pietersen may be lucky to play more than 5 games for Hampshire, but in previous seasons they have shown they can cope without him. Could be a close run thing in the First Division of the Championship.

Totty Rating: 7/10. Hampshire have a couple of players who don't mind taking their kit off! Witness below, Chris Tremlett and Kevin Pietersen.

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Part 3 is, well, a work in progress!

A is for....

AUSTRALIA

Famous for Neighbours, Home and Away and Skippy The Bush Kangaroo, Australia also have a pretty handy cricket team. When I say handy, what I really mean is that they are pretty awesome having dominated World Cricket for most of the Nineties and Naughties. The one (main) blip on the radar being losing the Ashes (see below) in 2005. However they totally tonked (technical term this) England in 2006 to win them back. Some of the greatest players ever have worn the 'Baggy Green' cap (so called as the cap is, um, baggy and, er, green), including Steve 'Tugga' Waugh, Allan 'AB' Border, Shane 'Warney' Warne (imaginative nicknames aren't they?). As well as being one of the best teams in the world Australia are also famous for being 'expert' sledgers (see the unwritten 'S is for...' post for further explanation). Useful phrases when confronted with an Australian cricket fan are: 'Who will replace Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath?', 'Why doesn't Nathan Bracken get a haircut?' and 'Aren't your team getting on a bit?'

THE ASHES

A biannual test series (again see unwritten 'T is for....' for full explanation) played between England and Australia. Also known as 'torture' if you are an England fan, as watching said series can lead to getting your hopes up, only to watch them being destroyed slowly and painfully over an 8 week period. The Urn (shown left) is at the centre of an ugly custody battle between the MCC and Australian type people who would like to take it away from the spiritual home of cricket, Lords, to some museum in the outback. Winning The Ashes (particularly if you were English in 2005) can lead to a lot of bandwagon jumping (see Richard Branson or Tony Blair) and naff commercial opportunities for player and spouse (Mr and Mrs Flintoff). Do say: 'If we can compete than we have a chance (especially if you are English). Don't say: Australia should keep the Ashes Urn (see above) in Australia.